Booger Eating Bastards, A Non Politically Correct Novella of Horror (5 of 6)

Booger Eating Bastards

Harry K. Hunt had a serious head cold. The type of head cold that had his head stopped up

like someone had put concrete up his nostrils while he slept. The snot was thick and yellowish

and did not really “run.” It would ooze out and Harry would immediately suck it back up. It is

unknown why Harry did not blow his nose and try to get the snot out of his head, people in

those parts didn’t generally have snot rags to waste and besides, Harry was pretty much a loner

with Rover. Leckma was always around but Harry was naturally not a so‐called “mommas boy,”

he wanted to go out and play with other children, though his mother did not let him.

As Halloween approached, Harry got excited because he saw the other children playing with

their costumes and he overheard them talking about “trick or treating,” and then having a party

right next to his house. Harry’s head cold did not get any better, the snot just “hung around,”

and Harry sniffed it deeper and deeper into his head. Rover started taking an undue interest in

Harry’s nose runnings and they made a game they played when Leckma was not around or was

not paying attention. Harry would blow some snot chunks onto the floor and Rover would lick

them up. While Rover was licking up the yellowish wad of nose gunk, Harry would run and

hide. As soon as Rover was done licking up the nose biscuits, he would go around the house

and find Harry. The game would commence in the same way until Harry was shooting nose

blanks or until Leckma caught them and “lit a fire under the gross, wanna be inbred asses,” as

she would tell Harry.

Rover did not like being spanked in any way, shape or form, but he did love licking up Harry

K. Hunts snotty nose candy though. As such, Rover was generally very cognizant to not let

Leckma catch them playing their game that Harry enjoyed as well. As time progressed, Rover

was getting to the point where, when Harry was sleeping, Rover would sneak over and lick snot

off Harry’s face. Harry would sometimes wake up because Rovers tongue “tickled” him. Rover thought he could go much deeper with his tongue and get a lot more of the delectable snot boogers out if he was not worried about being spanked by Leckma. Maybe someday theopportunity would arise where he, Rover Hunt could rightly clean out little Harrys nose andLeckma would go shut the fuck up or something. Rover did not know what this meant but hehad heard the kids on the playground say it often enough and he knew whoever was thereceiver of such words were supposed to go away. Rover also knew the words were called“cuss words” and the children were not supposed to say such mean things or they would befucked. Rover was confused about the word fuck, because it seemed it meant a lot of things,some good, some bad. Oh well, in a few days it would be Halloween and Harry was really

looking forward to that. Rover had a higher mucous tolerance than the other mottled’s

because Harry had such a snotty nose all the time.

‐‐‐

Mary’s children bonded with Dick rather quickly. As stated, Charley was the oldest of the

siblings at 17 years old, next was Set at 13 years old, Dool was next at 12 years old and then

little Hannah, the only female who was 11 years old. The two year old child was named Ali. All

had lived in the same house their entire life and all had learned to stay away from the railroad

when a train was around. When Dick arrived, he had to learn this the hard way. One day,

when a handcart was transporting a load of wreckage out of town, Dick was walking along the

tracks and got struck in his bony mottled ass by the hand cart. The impact propelled him down

to the ground, where he slid on the wet ground until coming to a complete stop with his head

nestled right up against Charlies ass. The children all thought this was so friggin’ hilarious.

The children also thought it was hilarious when one of them would tell their friends, generally when entering a room or house, with Dick in the lead, that their dick was so big it always entered the room several seconds before they did. Set was always using this saying, often with the same friends, so it got old and annoying fairly quickly. Dool liked to use the joke that his dick was hanging to the ground (because Dicks feet were on the ground). Hannah, who was entering puberty, didn’t do any dick jokes but sometimes when her budding nipples ached, she wished Dick had a sizable one, since he wasn’t “blood kin,” and she did not want to have aninbred child like she had seen in town at times. But oh, the dicks some of the inbreds had, sincethey didn’t seem to have fully functional clothing. Mom had told her to not look at inbreds, letalong not their genitalia, and dad just thought inbreds were funny, especially the midget, slutone that sometimes came into town with stuff hanging out of her ass.

As summer came to an end and fall began, the children were happy to have a new family

member (Dick, the whole baby new baby thing never came to fruition). School started up and a

sickness ran through its halls, which was mostly a head cold that brought lots of mucous to the

hallowed halls of Marquand Zion. Slowly but surely most everyone caught this vile sickness that

just seemed to hang around for weeks on end. The mottleds seem to get more energetic as the

residents of Marquand, especially the children, all got sick. Ali, Hannah, Dool, Set and Charlie

all caught the sickness and tormented each other with snot jokes and seeing who could blow the biggest snot bubble. Interestingly enough, Hannah won that contest hands down,

every time.

‐‐‐

The Oppenheimers were such happy and good‐natured people, oftentimes

Marquanders could not stand to talk to them. As you have seen, Marquanders had their share

of ill fortune over the years. In the months after the great train wreck, the Oppenheimers

damned eternal good moods actually kept Marquanders, those who came into contact with

them, from entering a clinically depressed state of mind. The Oppenheimers were the only

Marquanders, which we know of, that questioned what the mottleds were doing. The point

that no one had ever seen a creature like a mottled before and yet everyone was letting them

into their houses. The Oppenheimers thought questions needed to be asked about the

mottled’s and maybe one should be sent to St Louis and studied. Since no one was asking

anything, this almost caused the Oppenheimers to be not quite so happy. After the great

Halloween incident, most Marquanders claimed they never trusted the mottleds, but as you,

the loyal reader can see, that was bullshit. It should be noted, and has been previously stated,

the mottleds had no ill intent with the people of Marquand or their children. The deciding

factor was just that the mucous would become so damned intoxicating to the mottleds.

The twins Jingleheimer and Hinglejeimer Oppenheimer, were eternally happy though

annoyed that they did not have a mottled friend like the rest of the town did. Their mother and

father did not trust the mottleds so they sent the one that came to their house away. Prior to

sending it away, the family played a lengthy game of Monopoly with the mottled, which could

not quite grasp the concept of paying rent, though it wanted to buy everything it landed on.

The Oppenheimers then fed the mottled, which they tentatively named Tootise because that

seemed like a good, happy sounding name. After the game of Monopoly and the meal, the

family sang a rousing chorus of “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow,” before sending Tootise away.

After the fact, the people of Marquand who knew the story of the Oppenheimers and their

short lived mottled guest, often wondered why the Oppenheimers didn’t keep Tootsie around.

They could have named him Schmidt and sang songs like “Jingleheimer/Hingleheimer

Oppenheimer Schmidt!” when they wanted the twins and their mottled to return to the house.

The twins, like the rest of the town, caught the infamous head cold the fall of the year knows

as the Great Marquand Train Wreck Year (would it have been the year of the Great Marquand

Train Robbery if Bo and Big Dork had followed instructions)? The world will never know. The

twins, being happy children, had a kind of snot that was clear and tended to be runny. The

twins would see how long they could make the snot run out of their nose before it either fell

off, at which point that twin lost the game, or they could let it touch the floor and then suck the

entire thing back into their head. Of course there were bonus points if an object was picked up and sucked back up to the twins nose. This only happened once by Jingleheimer (I think it was

Jingleheimer, they are twins you know and it is hard enough telling them apart).

‐‐‐

Little Chubby’s parents had watched their child grow up from a seriously overweight

momma’s boy who loved to eat his own boogers, to a moderately overweight crybaby who still

loved to eat his own boogers, but he now had a friend who also seemed to like eating boogers.

Peter and Christine had made several attempts to make more children so Little Chubby could

have a brother or sister, but alas, the good Lord had never blessed them again with child. The

truth be known, Peter had been rendered sterile from working around the chemicals he worked

with on the trains and as a free-lance mechanic. The problem though was with the trains

chemicals.

Ranger enjoyed living with Peter, Christine and Little Chubby, as he and Little Chubby gave

each other the attention the other craved. Little Chubby did not often have a runny nose, but

when he did, he often let it run down his lip directly into his mouth. Over the years Little

Chubby had tried to keep that habit a secret, but at times he did it in public, mostly at school.

Kids at school can be heartless and mean, and it seemed the smaller the school was, the more

heartless and mean the children were, maybe though the Marquand kids were just unusually

mean. Whatever the reason though, Little Chubby was the butt of any bad joke in his grade.

When someone wanted to be mean to a female in the school, they would write or carve that

females name + Little Chubby = True Love, which was the ultimate putdown in the Marquand

school during that era.

Ranger and Little Chubby had been doing a lot of exploring over the summer, walking or

hiking as Little Chubby called it because it sounded much more exciting, all over the Mark Twain

National Forest. The two went a little further each day and Ranger seemed to have a built in

compass to get them home and Ranger was very good at avoiding inbreds who lived in the

woods. One time, as they were walking in the woods, Ranger stopped Little Chubby and

pointed out a Sasquatch that was walking funny like it had just been anally probed or

something, not that Little Chubby knew what a anal probing was, to him it was a butt fucking,

plain and simple. The two avoided being seen or smelled by the Sasquatch and that was about

the most exciting thing the two had seen over the summer except for the inbreds they saw

fucking.

Two inbreds were up against a tree way out in the woods and they were having sex. The

female, who was back against the tree, seemed to have five breasts, in kind of a upside down

pyramid shape, three where breasts usually are, two below them three that were centered, and

then one just above her belly button. Little Chubby never saw her vagina but if he had, he

would have seen a sight that looked like a poisonous snakes open mouth, with the fangs being

two huge clitoris’s. The male inbred’s head was grossly malformed, kind of looking like a

toadstool with anal warts all over it The males penis, while long, was very skinny and he did not

seem to be satisfying the two clitted female. Little Chubby watched in fascination, having never seen the sex act or naked inbreds before, though inbreds preferred to be naked or at least

nearly so.

After an unknown amount of time, Ranger pulled Little Chubby toward Marquand. The sun

was a little lower and Little Chubby did not know how long he had watched by the inbreds were

finished and had walked away from Little Chubby and Ranger, deeper into the woods. On the

walk back to his house, Little Chubby’s nose started to run and subconsciously he licked it into

his mouth, thinking that soon school will start and then it will be Halloween, his favorite holiday

of all, except for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and of course his birthday, and oh yeah, his moms

birthday. Little Chubby wondered when Rangers birthday was. Ranger wondered if Little

Chubby was going to share that snot running into his mouth, greedy fat fuck.

‐‐‐

Leckma got Harry dressed for the family friendly event at the adjacent school which would

start in an hour. The final plans were for the family friendly event to start at 7:00 p.m. The

traditional trick or treating would not happen this year because the towns adults had decided,

in a totally Socialist way, that he children would receive enough candy at the party at the

gymnasium. At 9:00 p.m, the family friendly portion would be over and the townspeople would

take their children and their mottleds home and the adults would meet back up at 10:00 p.m in

the town center to see the first train off. The adults would then return to the school house to

have an adults only party. Some had been heard saying they were hoping to partake in an orgy

that only inbreds could do a better job at. Leckma hoped there was some cock and balls

involved in her evening and maybe even someone would lick Leckma C. Hunts cunt for her.

Harry was annoyed that he could not go trick or treating, it was the first year where he felt

he could have gone house to house like the other kids but Leckma would not let him. Harry’s

nose continued to run and Rover seemed to be more excited about Harry’s mucous. The three

walked the 100 feet to the school gymnasium and went inside. Harry held one nostril and blew

snot out of the other nostril and then switched, right before he walked inside with Rover

‐‐‐

Charlie, Hannah, Dool, Set and Dick were all ready for the big Fall Fair at the school

gymnasium. The town had gone all out to make the children happy and tired. Charlie

wondered was it for the children’s sake or was it so the adults could have a night of debauchery

afterwards. Charlie did not care either way as he had plans of his own after seeing the train

take off from directly in front of this house. The teenagers often had beer parties along the

Castor River. How drunk they got depended directly on how much alcohol they would steal

from their parents or other townspeople. Since the great train wreck, there had been no

parties so the assumption was there would be a lot of alcohol tonight, plus their parents were

partying at the school, which would make it easier to obtain drinks from their homes or from the school, as long as they did not get caught. Mary, CJ, Ali, Charlie, Hanna, Dool, Set and Dick

walked up the hill to the school, seeing Leckma C. Hunt enter with her mottled and her son the

mommas boy. Charlie giggled every time he saw Leckma, because it took a teenage boys mind

to understand her name was lick my cunt.

‐‐‐

The twins Jingleheimer and Hingleheimer were in unusually giddy moods tonight. They were

going to a party at the school and later the trains were going to start running again. The twins

did not plan to be in town to see the first train running but after the trains started, they could

see them most everyday on their way to and from school. Jingleheimer’s head cold seemed to

have only gotten worse with mucous seeming to run by the gallons from his head. Jingleheimer

tried to clean it off him with his sleeve but Wanda thought that was gross and Hingleheimer

would tell on him if he saw Jingleheimer do that. The family started walking toward the school,

cutting across the railroad tracks and walking on the outskirts of Dog Trot Holler, over the small

scary bridge that was near Liza and Ricks house. They walked up the steep hill, turned right and

onto the school grounds.